A Journey to the Graves

I stared into the refrigerator again. Nothing much for my lunch recipe, I thought to myself. Dinner too and also the next day…

This is what happens when you miss the mobile market.

The weather looked okay, though a little hot, for a drive to Tesco 4.5km away. Why Tesco then? I was not sure. Perhaps I was in the mood for a long nostalgic drive through the town.

I grabbed the keys, patted Jasper and Mickey goodbye and warned them to behave. Don’t poop and pee everywhere while I’m gone, I sternly told the Shih Tzu’s, with my eyes fixed on Mickey, the bigger rascal of the two.

Once my car left the driveway, it was the beginning of a different day.

Along the way, I noticed that the town had somehow… developed. Not by leaps and bounds, but at least there are significant changes here and there since the last time I lived there. The sports complex is undergoing major renovation – or rather reconstruction. I did hope there would be an Olympic-sized pool this time. Sungai Petani desperately needs one… The HSBC manor is no longer white, but red-and-white – with patterns resembling HSBC logo. CityLiner buses already dominate the roads instead of UTC buses.

4.5km later in Lagenda Heights, I parked my car in front of Tesco and stepped in with a song Pretty Woman bouncing in my footsteps. Nah, I was kidding. It was played at the hypermarket’s speakers that time. But then again, I have always enjoyed the thrill of going solo in shopping malls and hypermarkets.

The grocery shopping was a quick affair. I only needed to buy so few items for my recipes that I could just slide through the express cashier lane. I guessed my delay was because I spent so much time observing the shoppers. Surprisingly, there were no familiar faces. Nobody I could say hi and catch up with.

And then I remembered two people.

Immediately I started to wheel my shopping cart around frantically. Flowers… Where can I get flowers? Then I realised that there was not a single florist in Lagenda Heights, let alone Tesco – not even Village Mall next to it. Somebody can start a florist business here, there is HUGE potential, I muttered under my breath sarcastically.

After spending half an hour looking around, I gave up and decided to go to the florist I used to go to in the heart of town. My actual destination was actually in between Lagenda Heights and that florist store at the west side. I didn’t mind a detour…

The clouds have started to fill the afternoon sky by then. The weather was no longer as sizzling as I expected an afternoon to be.

(to be continued)

My routine this week...

Morning:
1. Let the dogs out for poopoo and peepee session
2. Feed the dogs (and grind Jasper's food into powder)
3. Feed the fish and kois
4. Feed the plants (Err... water the garden)
5. Apply rash medicine on Mickey or bathe the dogs
6. Pick up the poopie and mop up the peepie
7. Mop the whole floor
8. Shower
9. Breakfast
10. Devotion and QT
11. Laundry

Afternoon
1. Typing/online/Dynasty Warriors 5 (DW5)
2. Cook
3. Lunch while playing DW5
4. Typing/online
5. Nap
6. Typing/online
7. Jogging
8. Feed the dogs (and grind Jasper's food again)
9. Clean up the poopie and peepie (and mop whole area again)
10. Change drinking water
11. Shower

Night
1. Cook
2. Dinner while playing DW5
3. Wash dishes and dog dishes
4. Typing/online/MSN-ing
5. ZZZzzz...

*faint*

Greensleeves~

To be honest, I prefer my dad's CD version. I wonder how to put it up here from a CD...



It's one of the most beautiful melody I fell in love with since I was a little girl...

Something to share from my devotion...

"Making the most of your time, because the days are evil.” - Ephesians 5:16

God expects the believer to use his time wisely.

Many people never finish what they begin. There are unfinished symphonies, unfinished paintings, and unfinished sculptures (sometimes because the composer or artist died). There are relationships that never become all they could be, ministries that never come to fruition, dreams that always remain dreams, and hopes that always remain hopes. For a lot of people, life can be an unfinished symphony or a dream without reality. But it doesn’t have to be that way. I believe the answer can be found in the phrase “making the most of your time” (Eph. 5:16).

If we are ever to turn our dreams into realities and our hopes into facts—to finish our symphonies, paint our paintings, and sculpt our sculptures—it will be only when we have made the most of our time. I believe that in eternity past, God prescribed the specific time that we are to live. And only as we maximize that time can we maintain its potential for fulfillment.

The apostle Paul knew firsthand the importance of redeeming his time. In Acts 20:24 he says, “I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, in order that I may finish my course, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus.” In other words, God has given us a time boundary, and within that time He has defined a course. Paul in effect said, “I want to finish the specific course and specific ministry in the specific time given to me.” At the end of his life Paul could say, “I have finished the course” (2 Tim. 4:7). He completed the race because he made the most of his time.

I believe God has sovereignly given you and me a specific period of time. He knows the beginning and the end because He predetermined both. Be sure to finish your prescribed race by walking wisely and living for His glory.

Suggestions for Prayer:
Thank the Lord for sovereignly giving you a course to run in life. Pray for His perfect will to be reflected in your life as you run the course.

For Further Study:
Read 1 Peter 1:17-19. According to verse 17, how are you to live “during the time of your stay upon earth”? Why?

From http://www.gty.org/Resources/DailyDevotion/StrengthForToday

What I have discovered about myself lately

First
I improvise very well when I have limited resources.

Second
My family (especially Mom) still doesn't trust my judgement when it comes to men.

Third
I'm now confused whether I drool over dashing Brit Matthew McConaughey (as I always had for long) or gorgeous geek Justin Long (his brains and simple guy look on-screen turns me).

:p

What should I do?

Jasper's not well today. I'm really worried of her. Tomorrow my family will leave for Hong Kong and I'm worried that if there is something wrong with the dogs, I'll be of no help...

Before I arrived home yesterday, Jasper ran out of the house and fell into the drain with a loud thud. Mom got so worried and upset she spanked and yelled at Jasper because she wasn't suppose to go out in the first place.

Since Mickey and Jasper are supposed to go to the dog groomers that day and Jasper got dirty from the fall, Mom decided to have their fur trimmed and have them bathed thoroughly.

That dog groomer accidentally hurt Jasper's left eye while trimming her fur.

Being so 'naked' now, Mickey and Jasper are now wearing pooch clothes to keep themselves warm. But Jasper looked so weak and she refused to eat, even her treats.

I wondered whether she was too cold from the loss of her thick coat, or her eye's injury bothered her, or she sustained injury from the fall, or she got upset and hurt from Mom's spanking...

Today she still refused to eat and she barfed on her cushion.

Please God I don't want anything to happen to Jasper (or Mickey) when my family's away. I'll be at my wits' end if that happens. Mom said we can't afford to see a vet (I can't even afford to survive being home alone with the money I have right now).

Praying hard for Jasper now.

Praying hard also that God'll keep me sane for the next 7 days. In His strength and wisdom...

Ah... the nostalgic feeling!

Ever since I studied in USM, I hardly go back to Sungai Petani, which means that I also hardly attend my church back there.

Tonight after so many months, finally I stepped in.

There were so much memories. Those days in Children Service, English Service, worship team and youth group... If I didn't hold back, I could have cried in mesmerizing.

No matter I disagree with my church's direction and theology, I have soft spot in my heart for my church. Seeing all the church elders and everyone else getting so ecstatic to see me again after so long - priceless.

I don't know. I'm wondering if I have a calling to serve in that church and make a difference there? Only God knows...

Got tagged by Fahizha =.=

The RULES:

* Take a recent photo of yourself OR take a picture of yourself RIGHT NOW.
* DONT change your clothes. DON'T fix your hair, just take a picture.
* Post that picture with NO editing.
* Post this instruction with your picture.
* Tag 5 peoples to do this.


(I haven't done this in for years...)

I tag Jenna, Jane, Edmund, Abe and Lynnette. C'mon be a sport and join the fun :p

PS: For those who are curious about this pix, it was taken last Saturday when I was in Kaki Bukit, Perlis. This cute pooch belonged to one of the kids I met during my mission trip there last year...

Free grace

Posted: 17 Nov 2008 11:08 PM CST

“The cost for the recipient of God’s grace is nothing - and no price could be higher for arrogant people to pay.”

- Dan Allender, as quoted in Gospel Transformation

Blogger's note:
Simple and sweet. 'Nuff said. Praise God for such beautiful simplicity...

Christmas cookies~!

Hey everyone, my CF is baking Christmas cookies to raise funds for our activities. Especially for my friends from LG, I've placed the flyers in your pigeon holes and attach one on the board. Hope you all loved the CNY cookies we baked early this year because you're gonna love this one too!

OK there are two types of cookies we're baking...

1) Chocolate peanut cookies (RM5 per box) - 10 pieces of round-shaped cookies with cherry on top.

2) Decorated Christmas cookies (RM10 per box) - 12 pieces of cookies in 5 different Christmas shapes, decorated with colorful icing sugar.

So I'd be very happy if you all would help support our project to raise funds. Please buy our cookies. You can contact me by 6th December.


PS: To be honest, I have yet to taste myself so I promise to bring a sample to LG room for you all to try. Hope you all would buy our baked Christmas cookies! :)

Envy

It is the feeling you have when you see someone else having something you yourself don't have and wish to have...

Blood donation and organ pledge

Yesterday morning my friends had a conversation on pledging organs. They were talking with passion in their voice on their desire to sign up as organ donor and to be able to help others with their harvested organs after they die.

Few hours ago, I read blogs of my former high school friends who went to blood donation drive on separate occasions. In their blogs, they take cues from each other and encourage one another to support the cause. Reading those was very encouraging.

Donating blood and pledging organs may look simple and sound fun for a good cause. But I know for some (or most) people, it takes courage.

Courage to face the fearful idea of having some of your lifestream piped out of your system or your body 'mutilated' to harvest the organs after your death.

But the greater courage is in the soul. For some, it may involve religious convictions or clarifications. But then again, I believe this is a noble and beautiful act. Think of the people that really need whatever you're offering, even after you die. Giving new lease of life to others even after your life is over.

Wonderful isn't it?

I can only listen and watch their passion and desire with deep longing and regret. How I wish I can join them in such a cause... I don't know, is this called envy?

Andai Ku Tahu video...

Andai Ku Tahu... T.T

6th November 2008, 12.05pm

Andai kutahu
Kapan tiba ajalku
Ku akan memohon
Tuhan tolong panjangkan umurku

Andai kutahu
Kapan tiba masaku
Ku akan memohon
Tuhan jangan Kau ambil nyawaku

Aku takut
Akan semua dosa dosaku
Aku takut
Dosa yang terus membayangiku

*Instrumental*

Andai kutahu
MalaikatMu kan menjemputku
Izinkan aku
Mengucap kata tobat padaMu

Aku takut
Akan semua dosa dosaku
Aku takut
Dosa yang terus membayangiku

Ampuni aku
Dari segala dosa dosaku
Ampuni aku
Menangisku bertobat padaMu

Aku manusia
Yang takut neraka
Namun aku juga
Tak pantas di surga

Andai kutahu
Kapan tiba ajalku
Izinkan aku
Mengucap kata tobat padaMu

Aku takut
Akan semua dosa dosaku
Aku takut
Dosa yang terus membayangiku

Ampuni aku
Dari segala dosa dosaku
Ampuni aku
Menangisku bertobat padaMu

Haaa... Haaaa... Haaa... Haaaa... [2x]

Entry 6

Words, words, all words…

Words danced, scattered and bounced in my mind as my lips tried to pluck each from the white space and enunciate all in a comprehensible human language possible.

I held the script in front of me, trying my best not to stare at the white piece of paper for too long, lest I could burn it with such laser-eye intensity. My mind and my articulation were somehow in two separate entities at the same time. I could hear my own speech faint in the background as my inner thoughts were sighing in deep anxiety.

What if I ruin this whole thing? My pronunciation is not good enough. What on earth am I doing? She even did my script herself. What if everything she did goes down the drain because of me? The crowd freaks me out. Oh God, please help me!

“You’re alright?” her voice suddenly rang through my consciousness, putting all the mental chaos to standstill.

Gulp. That was it. I ruined it. I am so sorry…

“Nervous, eh?” she bent forward from her position beside me and tilted towards me. She smiled and squinted. That tinge of adorable sweetness. I swore I could feel jet steam through my ears that moment.

I could only nod sheepishly. Embarrassment was the only adjective I could think of.

She smiled and squinted again. Suddenly my discomfort melted away by the warmth of her assuring smile.

“Don’t worry. I too had butterflies in my stomach when I first became an emcee. You have no idea what kind of gibberish nonsense I ended up saying.” She giggled to herself. “There is always first time for everything,” she assured, “for everyone, even for you.”

“Sorry,” I finally croaked. “It is just that the crowd scares me.” My eyes fell unto my white-and-red sneakers. “I don’t think I have the guts to keep eye contact with them for long.”

Her left hand touched the top right corner of my script and lowered it down. It caught my attention and I returned my gaze back up to her, puzzled.

“Hey,” her cheerful voice chirped again. “You don’t have to look at the crowd all the time.” I raised my eyebrows in relief and felt my self-esteem inflated. I would even float if I could.

“But you can’t look at the script all the time either.”

My inner balloon deflated immediately.

My instincts told me that she sensed my apprehension to speak to large crowds. She then marked at certain green-highlighted lines on my script with her pen. I glanced at her script in her other hand and noticed that hers was pink-highlighted.

Those 10 seconds seemed forever as I watched her trailed down my script with her pen, paused in her thoughts and then hummed every time she placed a mark. Yet, everything else zoomed by – everyone else was moving around the bare stage we stood on, being so busy making preparations for the event…

“There you go. Whenever you say these lines,” she tapped at the marks, “you look at me.”

Look at you?

“In fact, whenever you feel too nervous to look at the crowd, you can look at me as though as you’re interacting with me. Be natural. Don’t worry; I can always play along with that bit spontaneously and guide you as we go on.”

The only response I could give her for that saving grace was, “Oh.” The idea of looking at her face while emceeing fluttered me even more, as much as it thrilled me to. However the more I thought about it, the more it actually comforted my anxiety.

“…but don’t do that too often though. You’ll give the audience an impression that you leave them out of attention.”

I grinned stupidly.

“Thanks. This will really help me a lot.”

“You are welcome. Always happy to help.” She gestured to the script. “So, try again?”

Blogdrawal...

4th November 2008, 9.33pm

I have bubbles popping from my groggy head…

I have stars blinking out of my sore thumb…

I have zigzags crawling from my poor back…

Okay. I admit it.
I am distracted, period.
My blogdrawal symptoms are showing up.
=.=

That one thing that's all left of her...

4th November 2008, 12.54am

Few hours ago, I watched Criminal Minds in Matt’s place as part of our so-called Forensic Fellowship (there used to have other forensic series back-to-back such as Bones and NCIS before CM but too bad, CM is all that’s left on Monday nights for now).

This episode is a real heart-wrenching one. And it doesn’t help that Frankie Muniz co-stars in it to stir even more soft hearts.

Before I continue, Frankie Muniz is the dude that stared in Malcolm in the Middle comedy series.

I know, wasn’t he so adorable when he was a kid?

Now he’s grown up and well-built with subtle hints of masculinity.
Just like all other kid stars that grow up into hunks.
Sigh.

Anyway, Frankie Muniz played a role as the UnSub with psychotic posttraumatic disorder named Jon. Jon was a brilliant comic artist with bright future and a wonderful woman, Vickie to share his life with. However, a horrible tragedy that took away his loved one in the hands of street gangsters turned him into a psychotic blade-wielding bipolar ‘hero’. He really reminds me of The Punisher from the Marvel Comics, except for the bipolar part.

The very thing that wretches my heart close to tears is the scene where the BAU gang discovered that Jon had been making calls to a particular number, which turned out to be Vickie’s number. Jon actually didn’t remember the ordeal, due to the nature of his psychological trauma, which means that he also didn’t remember that Vickie was already dead. In his response to the loss, he had been desperately dialling Vickie’s cell phone, only to reach her personalised voice message.

BAU discovered that Vickie’s cell phone was in Jon’s possession all the while after the tragedy, stashed away in a nice little box.

One of them lifted up the cell phone, with Vickie’s voice playing in background as voice message.
“After all that he had been through, this is the only thing that he has of her…”





One man once told me that he would dial my number many times just to listen to my personalised voice message…
Back then, there was no such thing as missed-call notification SMS…

Now I understand how that man feels…

Hiatus (again!)

4th November 2008, 12.46am

As I am typing this, there are several hundreds of USM students who are also staying up this late studying for exam finals starting this week.

I am actually taking a timeout from my boring revision to type this.

Yes, I am aware that my blog has been a little stagnant lately. Well, although the exam season is part of the reason, it is the problem with my house’s Internet connection that kept me off the cyberspace.

Until I get TMPoint to rectify this problem, by the time you read this, you would have already swam past the burst of many other new blog posts that precede this post (depends on how you read my blog – downwards or chronologically)